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May 27, 2008
Good Grief, Charlie Brown
When I was little, my mother called me Charlie Brown. I think she thought it was cute, or sounded hip. Kids are like sponges. They pick up things. Somewhere, somehow, I picked up on the undeniable fact that Charlie Brown is a loveable loser, a child possessed of endless determination and hope, but who is ultimately dominated by his insecurities and a permanent case of bad luck, and often taken advantage of by his peers. On the rare occasion that he does succeed at something, circumstances invariably arise to lessen his victory, such as when he wins a bowling trophy on which his surname is misspelled.
Hmmm.
There are five in my immediate biological family. John, Joan, Jeff, Jane and … me. My first name is John, resulting in exactly 100% of us with names beginning with the letter J. But I have been called by my middle name, David, my entire life. Allegedly, this was to avoid confusion with my dad. I think, in fact, it was done to remind me that I am different. Uniquely not part of the “J” clan.
I fell far from the tree.
To quote Charlie Brown, "Somehow, I never quite know what's going on..."
Posted by dave at 01:07 PM | Comments (0)
May 21, 2008
The Yoga Sutra
says "when important things start to happen big things come along to try and stop them."
Oh, yes.
Yoga is about balance. Not exclusively about physical balance. Yin/ yang. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Calming the mind and the breath when the going gets nuts. Working through the struggle rather than letting the struggle beat you. Yoga is about what you are NOT doing. Yoga is about how your mind turns things around. You can't do anything about the teacher, the humidity, the funky smell of your yoga mat, the temperature in the room, the ache in your back that wasn't there yesterday (and probably won't be there tomorrow)... But you can change your attitude toward these things.
So, too, with life.
I am blessed with my health, body, breath, mind, spirit and the love of my life. The past year has been, without hesitation, one of the happiest in my life. I adore Chis more than life itself (after 16 years), I love living in New York, and I am grateful to have found my yoga, which has become a very important part of my life. It has changed me in many wonderful and profound ways. I am on this journey of stillness, fulfilment, and inner peace. These are the "important things" that the yoga sutra talks about.
With them comes the "big things that come along and try and stop them". Some emotional baggage has resurfaced from my childhood, and I daresay that without the yoga, I would have great difficulty finding balance. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Oh, yes.
Posted by dave at 01:53 PM | Comments (0)
May 03, 2008
Still Laughing
Yesterday morning, I went to yoga at 10am. My dear friend, Graham was teaching. The Bikram yoga that I practice uses a mirror at the front of the room. It's great to use it to check my alignment, but for many, it is a source of energy. Looking at yourself in the mirror for 90 minutes brings a certain hardened awareness to the yoga. The mirror also tells no lies. It gives you nothing but truth. There is no hiding behind untruths, clothing, makeup, hairdos. It reflects my body (and spirit if you can get into that space) in all of its truth. Right ear lower than the left. Dimple on my left shoulder that isn't on the right. Bow legs. Knobby knees. The challenge is to focus on who I am, without judgement, and not compare myself to anyone else in the room, or compete with anyone.
So it begins the source of my full belly laugh that started yesterday morning around 10:05 and continues unabated, and occassionally without warning and in public.
At the beginning of every Bikram yoga class, the teacher begins by encouraging the class to focus and concentrate, and something about the class being a moving meditation.
Yesterday, Graham said this:
"Standing with your toes and heels touching, hands down by your side, focus on your own eyes in the mirror. Focus, concentrate, medicate."
I was just starting my first deep pranayama breath when he said it. I burst out laughing. As did the rest of the class. It took me several minutes to get myself under control.
The irony is that about 5 months ago, Graham and I were sitting in Jamba Juice and I was encouraging him to ween himself off his anti-depression medication and see if practicing yoga everday would stabilize his chemical imbalance. We had been discussing how America is over-medicated. (Turn on the TV or open a magazine - if it isn't an ad for a drug or some cheap financing, it's probably for a gas-guzzling car). However, I did caution him to check with his therapist before trying it. He did, and his therapist recommended scaling back to 1/2 a pill a day for two weeks, then off cold turkey. Graham did and feels infinitely better.
The next time I'm feeling blue, I shall recall Graham's opening words of wisdom on that memorable May 2. Medicate, not meditate.
I love you, Graham. You never let me down.
LOL.
Posted by dave at 08:58 AM | Comments (0)